deep in thought today

I just sat and thought today about my weight and about past experiences. I know for one thing I am just fed up to the teeth of being the fat one. Its like nothing I have ever felt before- before there was always a want to be thin, but always a "oh well I am not maybe it will happen type feeling" this time I am just FED UP. My weight has been a constant battle all my life, I remember as a 5 year old my friend had boney legs and she said i was comfy to sit on cos i was "squishy" something I will never forget her saying, it was the first time I realised I was bigger than other children.
I just wonder why I was given this curse of being over weight, I watch thin people sitting in the canteen eating chips with cheese, then crisps hen chocolate all in one sitting, I know if I did that I would put on 5 pounds easily. So why me?
I got to thinking about all my failed attempts before, I tried (really tried) twice in the last few years - I lost 50 lbs just before going to univeristy last time around, went to the gym daily started uni and bam immediately all stopped - then after uni started again lost 4 stone was almost in a size 20 bottom definately size 20 top and got a job and bam all stopped, it seems my body just cant cope with doing two major things at once. I can either lose weight or I can concentrate on other things. I am now worried, Im on a nursing degree now - and at the moment i have 7 weeks for a community project then my placements will start - how am i going to break this cycle? I am so fed up with being fat I know if i stick to it I will get to my goal its just making sure my brain can cope with more than one thing. Mayne now i am aware it will be easier, i am hoping so because i dont want to complete this degree wearing another extra large gown and wearing a size 24 outfit, i want to be a size 16 nurse! Maybe I should resay my title - I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT