Weight Loss Ticker

Sunday, March 29, 2009

half way through week 3

I was just making lunch today , and was thinking how nice the food is that i am eating recently. For breakfast most days I have oats so simple porridge. Its so filling I love it, I tend to have some fruit mid morning, today I have for lunch a torpedo roll, with lettuce =, chicken slices salad and mayo inside plus some ww crisps. I eat yummy food at nights too most nights LOL - and man why do I never stick to this? I can eat anything I want I just had to keep within my points, I never miss out on a single thing. So this time I am going to keep telling myself that, and keep to this thing. I just dont understand why I feel the need to binge or self sabotage my weight loss. I am guessing its an internal thing myabe a lack of self belief, however my new saying is "if i started it I must have thought i can do this!"

Friday, March 27, 2009

start of week 3

Wow the start of week 3, I was really good yesterday thought the 1.5 loss would knock me off a bit because i was a bit upset about it but the fantastic girls on ww board pulled me back, i realise it wasnt such a bad loss at all. I also managed to eat all my points something I do have trouble with sometimes. So life is good, and I still feel in the groove so to speak.
I have been thinking about exercise recently and should I do some or not, I think for now the best form for me is walking I dont want to start a project like going to the gym and finding that when I start placements its not feasible to carry on with it, least with walking it is something I do daily and is part of my life. I got my ww pedometer the other day and its fabba but its been too cold to go out for me, as I have been feeling ill recently and my ears are playing up alot so the wind didnt help when I did go out.
Though today I have been feeling better and have a bit more energy. I dont know what was wrong with me for a few days but I was just freezing cold all the time though my temperature was pretty normal, I felt lethargic and slightly sick when I ate fattyish foods and just ached all over. My ears are a lifelong problem and i get alot of earache and wind doesnt help it. Maybe next time I will wear my hoodie.
I am learning alot about myself, just pondering on things and gernerally trying to figure out what makes me tick, I am pulling in alot of knowledge from my counselling sessions and now they are actually starting to make sense, its only took me a year LOL.
I have been tyring to get a bit more organised especially with my nursing course, i spend way too much time procrastinating and I should be utilising this time and getting things done. its just so hard to motivate myself to sit and do it, though weirdly enough I can sit here for hours on facebook or the ww site LOL. I guess I should make a timetable and try and plan some study work in. Wow at me getting orgainsed!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

weigh in result 2

Well this week I lost 1.5 pounds. I feel a bit blah about it, but its a healthy weight loss and its in the right direction so I should feel more positive.
I have just literally finished totm so maybe that has affected it as well. I dont know why I feel a bit down about it, I guess its the "I want it all off now syndrome", I neeed to realise that slow and steady wins the race. Because I know this "I want it all off now" is what makes me give up in the end because of high expectations or just not succeeding in what I wanted or just too slow for me, something I need to be aware of really. I need to get my mindset into being happy about any loss or sts because in reality that means I havent put any weight on, and the exercise of this is to not put any weight on right?
So to date I have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks, which isnt bad actually. an average of 4.5 a week, and only another 5 pounds to my first stone!!!. I have put my goal weight at 14 stone for now, but I know I would love to get to 12 stone eventually. I truely think this blog will eb a godsend to me and I thoroughly advise anyone to try and keep one going. I feel i am now in full on ww swing and I will keep chipping away at this weight and for once weight wise, i think I WILL GET WHAT I WANT!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

almost the end of week 2

Oh my goodness, its almost weigh in day again, that has come so quick. I'm getting that excited feeling again, I got my scales fixed again today and almost stood on them but resisted!
Well feeling really positive about life at the moment, I dont know if this is my imagination or reality, but when I lose weight I always physically feel it in my face, and I can feel that feeling, also my cheek bones are a bit more prominant. I really can't wait until I am starting to get into smaller clothes. I looked in my wardrobe yesterday and saw some of my smaller clothes from last year, size 22 so not that small to most but to me they are, and they looked tiny. Its pretty sad to say that size 22 looks small compared to what I wear now. Right now I am in a size 26 my problem is my bum and hips, they are way too big - my waist is alot smaller so when I buy clothes they tend to be too big for my waist and basically get held up by my bum and hips. To make matters worse I lose weight from the top down so I start to look like a weeble wobble LOL. Well was just a quick post and will post my weight loss tomrorow ...CANT WAIT!

Monday, March 23, 2009

still going ..just

well its totm and the dreaded pains in my belly, the down feeling is full on - at least I have finally believed that my eating habits are down to emotional eating, I was never totally sure before. Yesterday I heard on the news Jade Goody had died, it hit a chord with me that she had cancer because it was what my dad died of last year. I had been following her progress through her stages and hoping that she would get better. When I heard she had died on mothers day, I was just so upset , all I kept thinking about were her little boys growing up without a mum. I know now my totm was affecting me big time, but it didnt stop me picking at food all day, it was not a major binge, I had 4 points saved and just snacked on low fat stuff some fruit but some cakes, so in reality I dont think it went well above the 4 points I had saved from the other days.
Today in lectures one was about self concept, a sentence hit a chord with me. It was that we never start anything unless we believe we can finsih it, I kinda thought well I started this diet or new lifestyle I must have believed that I could do this so that is going to be another saying to adhere to. A short post today basically because i want to go curl up in a ball and sleep. One last point cant wait for weigh in again, but my scales arent being nice so i think it will have to be a new pair soon!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

saturday afternoon!

well just had lunch thought i would do my daily post on my blog.
I had a very minor NSV i think! - i got out the shower and was gretting dressed, looked in my wardrobe and saw my nurses uniform hanging there, so thought i would give it a whirl see how tight it was still - and it wasnt tight at all. I am dubious because I have only been on WW for one week and a few days - but I cant ignore the fact that last time i wore it it was tight. So not sure what is going on but I know that my weight loss will not have changed any clothes sizes yet. However its a positive thing and i have a feeing when i do get to wear it in 10 weeks time it might be hanging off me rofl.

Friday, March 20, 2009

just been for a walk

My mum asked if I could walk her dog today since she was out all day, so I had her round at my house and have spent the day with her. I took my youngest son for lunch and took the dog with me, he just munched macdonalds in the car on his school lunch break - well then i dropped him off and me and the doggi went for a stroll. It was a lovely warm spring day and we walked by the ducks it was lovely to just stop and breathe fresh air. I saw some wodnerful sights too - was an old couple riding a tandem as well as loads of other people just walking dogs and chilling by the water. I had a lovely time it has really given me a spring in my step, something I will definately do again. Also my mum si going to come back to a snoozing dog cos shes knackered now LOL

deep in thought today

I just sat and thought today about my weight and about past experiences. I know for one thing I am just fed up to the teeth of being the fat one. Its like nothing I have ever felt before- before there was always a want to be thin, but always a "oh well I am not maybe it will happen type feeling" this time I am just FED UP. My weight has been a constant battle all my life, I remember as a 5 year old my friend had boney legs and she said i was comfy to sit on cos i was "squishy" something I will never forget her saying, it was the first time I realised I was bigger than other children.
I just wonder why I was given this curse of being over weight, I watch thin people sitting in the canteen eating chips with cheese, then crisps hen chocolate all in one sitting, I know if I did that I would put on 5 pounds easily. So why me?
I got to thinking about all my failed attempts before, I tried (really tried) twice in the last few years - I lost 50 lbs just before going to univeristy last time around, went to the gym daily started uni and bam immediately all stopped - then after uni started again lost 4 stone was almost in a size 20 bottom definately size 20 top and got a job and bam all stopped, it seems my body just cant cope with doing two major things at once. I can either lose weight or I can concentrate on other things. I am now worried, Im on a nursing degree now - and at the moment i have 7 weeks for a community project then my placements will start - how am i going to break this cycle? I am so fed up with being fat I know if i stick to it I will get to my goal its just making sure my brain can cope with more than one thing. Mayne now i am aware it will be easier, i am hoping so because i dont want to complete this degree wearing another extra large gown and wearing a size 24 outfit, i want to be a size 16 nurse! Maybe I should resay my title - I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT

Thursday, March 19, 2009

its weigh in day!

well its that day, I woke up this am excited, waited till i got the kids off to school got out the scales and saw the word "battery" ...so im like OMFG so i find a new battery and nope stil "battery" - by now im getting frustrated - double check and theres 2 battery compartments!!!! so i have to get dressed run to the shop and buy another battery run back pick out old batteries which was so hard to remove it actually broke the battery holding in part of the scales! by now im crying lol so anyway manage to do a patch up job with selotape and cardboard and the end result is:

7.5lbs loss
what a polava i had been looking forward to this day all week and i am just so relieved they still worked, kinda hoping the selotape and cardboard thing holds up for a while - cos i really dont want to change my scales.
I have a horrible feeling that my totm is fast looming too - I am crying over literally nothing and getting all frustrated about things, everything seems to be going wrong too - a sure go sign that soon it will be totm. I going to set myself up for a gain next week cos my body and totm do no get on at all - weight wise and every other way wise.
well today i plan to tackle my sons bedroom - its the last room in the house to tackle only problem is i ran out of bin bags so another shop visit will have to take place soon. Then its a case of get stuck in and clean that tip LOL.
must sign off for now and run thru and get other places sorted byeee

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

almost one week done

Well its my weigh in tomorrow morning, and I cant wait to see how much I have lost. I hope i have lost or I will be dissapointed. Im filled with excitment and nervousness. Had a full on day today at uni, we had to go and fin out about our community project - we have chose to study travellers - if anything it will be interesting. Well just a quick post tonight and will post my wi info tomrorow morning!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

well good morning

Well day 6 and still going strong, in fact if anything i feel stronger, still working on getting things in order here, I now have a 7 week "break" while I do my community project where i can get things really into order. Lots of housework and exercise and walking, a good deal of time to really concentrate on me!
I finally unpacked a cd from a human anatomy book and wow wish id done it sooner, it was so easy to understand and helped me tons, I am going to sit down one day very soon and learn about the heart first then onto other systems.
The great thing about going into nursing is the fact they are always banging on about health related issues, yes ok it can be embarassing at times but it keeps to the forefront of my mind that i am over weight and unhealthy and I do have greater risks of diseases. I just hope that by year three i have my goal of being a size 16 nurse, i think i have finally rested on that being my ultimate goal. Of course I would love to be a size 12 nurse and if that happens fantastic! but for now I am not going to aim too high or low as the case may be lol. Up until I had my children well to be honest my second child i managed to stay a size 16 no matter what i ate really. So would be nice to revisit that size although im now aware that its harder now to keep that size.

Monday, March 16, 2009

a result for me

ok so i started to have these oh i have 6 points left lets eat crap moments, then thought ill never do this i want a cheese roll! - well turned round to go into kitchen and saw these trousers on a hanger and knew they were too small - and well I loved them when they fitted, i mean LOVED, and wow i grabbed a pear and thought yes i can do this!!!
i would say for me that is a major result - when my binge eating hating myself part of my brain tried to get in the way and ruin everything for me, so yay for trousers!

day 5

good morning another bright sunny day - i feel on top of the world today, i really feel happy about life. I have had so much more energy i feel great i am doing something about my weight, and feel in control of my life. My house has needed some work doing for a while which im in the process of doing. Life is just fab!
I snacked so much yesterday though but it was all fruit LOL , i definately got my 5 a day in fruit alone, so need to go buy some more, and some veg. i never thought i would hear me ever say that LOL
well today is my last day of clinical skills at univeristy, im hoping it all goes without a glitch, no more embarassing moments...today i will be doing the good old manual handling session. oh joy, if anyone who is reading this has worked in healthcare you would know after the first session it gets progreessively more boring as time goes on, same old same old!!
Well just having a quick cup of tea while I shout at the kids to wake up and shower. Still working on my washing situation but its not almost done, just a ton of ironing to go LOL.
I am also really really excited for thursday my wi day - i cant wait to see how much i have lost! only 2 days to go LOL
Well i have to go time is catching me up wanted to write a little something this morning just to say how fabba i feel and to keep this thing real for me. byee for now! all have a great day out there:)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

my list of reaosns to get thin

1) to wear nice clothes
2)to be able to shop in fashion shops
3)to make people have to really describe me
4)to be fit and healthy
5)to live longer
6)to achineve the only thing i have never been able to achineve
7)because i am worth it
8)to make my kids proud of me
9)to be able to do normal things and not feel knackered /out of breath
10)to be flexible
11) to be able to put on shoes and not gasp for breath cos im all scrunched up
12) to be able to cut my toe nails properly
13)to look nice in whatever i wear
14)to be able to eat in public and not think people are judging me
15)to do my job effectively
16)to never feel embarassed again cos i cant do something
17)to have more energy
18)so men fancy me again
19)to like myself and how i look
20)to look and feel younger

day 4

well wow day 4 and still on it LOL, had a bad week at uni, got into uni friday and we did respiration rates, one of our tasks was to run round a block twice!! well RUN i can hardly freaking walk - so yeap i was the last one back struggling to breathe and of course the highest resp rate, the thing is though yes i was embarassed yet again!, but you know it actually inspired me to stick at this more, im hoping that image will stick in my head forever, the feeling of embarassment.
I am trying to decide about exercise - alot of people say walking is good for you, and free! my mum says come to the gym with me "its a really nice gym" i know from experience that Ill go for say 4 months then placements will start in and I wont be able to go, so im toying with buy a wii and getting some fitness thing on there, that might be an xmas thing though...i think for now walking is my best route. there sorted in 5 seconds LOL
You know though its only week one and day 4...this is going to sound muddled as a few things occured to me at the same time. Firstly i normally feel the need to take a nap during the day specially if i have been extra active - well got home friday after the dreaded run and no nap didnt even feel tired or sleepy then yesterday i woke up and tackeled a large part of the house took me hours to tidy a few rooms really clean hoover polish the lot and no sleep... in fact i was awake till like midnight then went to bed got a normal nights rest. Well I am putting this new phenominum down to the healthy food i am eating and tons of water.
Which brings me to another point - my skin, i have an issue with my skin and I sometimes get alot of spots all over - they are almost gone in 4 days! i can only link it to the water im drinking - my skin is actually getting better - i have so many many health beenfits from keeping up with this ww thing i guess i need to keep reminding myself of them- maybe a list on the fridge might help! in fact maybe later today im going to post a list of health benefits on here and print them and lamainate them (yes im sad) and plop them on my fridge maybe do a list of embarassing moments while im at it.
well i cant wait for thursday - my wi day - im so excited to see wha ti have lost (gosh i hope i have lost lol) i used to do sneaky peeks daily and if it was a bad result it would affect me..i also know your weight fluctuates during the week so this time I will resist the sneaky peeks and just get major excited for wi days lol.
well off to fold some washing and put it away ill come back later and think about some benefits and embarassing moments for me to list. Bye for now!

Friday, March 13, 2009

day 2

well still at it, i always know if im onto a good winner cos i actually start day 2 still on the diet. I wonder if anyone else starts off a diet then by the end of the day thinks sod it i will never be thin and that yummy cake is saying eat me so why not save myself the hassle? probably not or do people to the old oh its just a small cake ill save some points later?
well another day in uni all day job, so im going to have jacket potato with baked beans for lunch and drink tons of water. well let you know more later about what happened today!
shower and all sorts of stuff now tho byee

Thursday, March 12, 2009

in 3 years i wanna be size 16 nurse!

Omg what a day, today we had to learn how to take manual blood pressure at univeristy, well I was the only "fat" person in the group and no cuff big enough for me. I felt so embarassed ....then to top it all got my uniform home because we got those today too and it was tight!

why is it when I put weight on I can just load it on, this time last year i was 17 stone moving towards 16 buying size 20 clothes ready for my next size down - now less than a year later im back to where i started and some! I mean why do i just load weight on, its not like i am a major pig i dont scoff 20 million things i just dont get it. I have to lsoe this weight im just so fed up and feel so down that im back to here, i just want to be thin!

i so hope i can stick to this because in 3 years i want to be that size 16 girl even size 12 would be fabba but ill take size 16 in a nice nurses uniform doing a great job!

My first post

Well, not sure why I am back here again, yet again I find myself with hardly any clothes to wear a ton of smaller clothes in my wardrobe and me wondering why on earth I have done this to myself yet again, and will I ever be that thin person I want to be.

I started on a new career path, im now a student nurse, something I have always wanted to be and never thought myself able to do it. It wasnt until I did an access course and realised actually Im not that thick and went on to do a law degree and got a 2:1, I now know if I put my mind to it I can do anything. I went for counselling a year back and one of the things that springs to my mind now is this saying we used to say, "if I want it I get it!" great saying and I think I should say it to myself alot, because actually its true, I do always get what I want, not usual by nasty stomping methods but just because when I put my mind to things I usually make sure I get it. This is generally material things or things outside my body, so why is it when it comes to my health, which I want so badly to be thin healthy, active, why can I not get this?
this is a question I should keep asking myself, why can I not get it, what is the reason, there must be one!

well this brings me to the point of this blog, I dont want to be fat, obese, porker, that fat girl over there, the fat one who must be thick because shes fat...I dont want to be that person any more I want to blend in, I want people to have to reallly describe me to point me out.
So here we go I want to do this so much, so watch this space because I want to fill less of it!