Thursday, June 11, 2009
appologies for a long break!
Well here I am again, got a bit snowed under by uni work and start of placement - went right off the rails ww wise too! but I was happy i only GAINED 1 POUND, pretty cool really, still 1 stone down and I am back on it with full force today, I just need to stick to it now LOL. just a short post just ot get me back into the swing of it, will post later on whatever is going on in my life. YAY GO ME!
Monday, May 25, 2009
hehe monday
well I am still on this ww lark, had a sneaky peek this morning and I had put on another 2 pounds! I mean OMG
Its actually spurred me more on, there is no way I am going to fall below a stone loss, but I now need to get my head round getting to 1 and half stones loss, because I am really not progessing very well.
I'm actually surprised I am still here trying though, I would have given up a long time ago normally and I have been sitting at a stone loss for like weeks, even though I am struggling I really want to lose this weight. I dont get why I just mess it up at the end of the day/week, i do so well for so long then bang I have a bad moment or 10.
So I need to start back at basics and get back into this full on, I know a key point is lack of the gym , but i also know I just wont go once i start placements, I just dont know what to do. I have a wii fit here which I havent used for a while, I also have the ea games game for the wii waiting at a parcel depot which I cant get until tuesday, maybe I will start a challenge for myself, or maybe I should open it up to others? but one way or another i need to get back into exercising and sticking to my points!
Its actually spurred me more on, there is no way I am going to fall below a stone loss, but I now need to get my head round getting to 1 and half stones loss, because I am really not progessing very well.
I'm actually surprised I am still here trying though, I would have given up a long time ago normally and I have been sitting at a stone loss for like weeks, even though I am struggling I really want to lose this weight. I dont get why I just mess it up at the end of the day/week, i do so well for so long then bang I have a bad moment or 10.
So I need to start back at basics and get back into this full on, I know a key point is lack of the gym , but i also know I just wont go once i start placements, I just dont know what to do. I have a wii fit here which I havent used for a while, I also have the ea games game for the wii waiting at a parcel depot which I cant get until tuesday, maybe I will start a challenge for myself, or maybe I should open it up to others? but one way or another i need to get back into exercising and sticking to my points!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
late weigh in report post week 10
well this week I GAINED 2 POUNDS, It was a well deserved and expected gain! and also had a bit of totm thrown in too. I've had a weekend of packed activities too, and eating out so decided to restart on ww today (sunday), so here I am still struggling, but still one stone down!, I feel kinda pleased that I havent actually gone to less than a stone so far great maintaining but not much loss lol. I also know I have the ea sports disk sitting in a parcel depot waiting for me to go get it and I cant get it until tuesday its very frustrating LOL I want to have a go on it. but I had a very quick go on my mates yesterday and OMG It was like 5 mins literally and my legs are killing me LOL I am going to be crawling about when I get mine, but cant wait.
well should have found out about my placement on friday, but in true hayley style it had to mess up and I got a to be confirmed message instead, I am guessing the placement hasnt got back to them yet, and Im also guessing its not going to go as smoothly as I wanted, I hope the placement does though! wish me luck for this week and weight loss and placement!
well should have found out about my placement on friday, but in true hayley style it had to mess up and I got a to be confirmed message instead, I am guessing the placement hasnt got back to them yet, and Im also guessing its not going to go as smoothly as I wanted, I hope the placement does though! wish me luck for this week and weight loss and placement!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
its tuesday!
well feeling ALOT better every day, and even its totm and I have been urmm sneaky peeking daily, and atm its showing a 2 pound gain, I know its cos of totm though, so Ill expect it on thursday, and ti doesnt seem to be affecting me at all.
Well had an odd week have been struggling a little bit at the start of the ww week, but have been trying to keep to my points LOL - I know my mood is much better now im towards the end of the week and can feel my mojo returning slowly. I actually think the community project did affect me more than i thought, Ill blog mroe on it later!
I am still committed to losing this weight its taking a long time LOL, but its a heathy weight loss overall so far. I think im in my 10th week and lost 16.5 pounds so far so about 1.5 loss a week on average, so not bad least its going down and not up lol. Well might be a miracle this week and I might lose, but for now Ill expect a gain or a sts at best purely because me and totm really dont get on weight wise.
Well had an odd week have been struggling a little bit at the start of the ww week, but have been trying to keep to my points LOL - I know my mood is much better now im towards the end of the week and can feel my mojo returning slowly. I actually think the community project did affect me more than i thought, Ill blog mroe on it later!
I am still committed to losing this weight its taking a long time LOL, but its a heathy weight loss overall so far. I think im in my 10th week and lost 16.5 pounds so far so about 1.5 loss a week on average, so not bad least its going down and not up lol. Well might be a miracle this week and I might lose, but for now Ill expect a gain or a sts at best purely because me and totm really dont get on weight wise.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
its saturday!
well today I feel much more positive about life, I have decided thatI am not a loser any more, I am a winner now. I am finding it hard to stick to my points but I am doing it. I am just taking one day at a time and hope that this week I can do the whole week with no blips lol. I got myfitness coach yesterday so going to have a go on it later as well. All in all an ok day, have to be a bit organised for next week cos we ar ein uni all week. just a hsor tpost got a fair bit to fo, just wanted to write how positive i felt and that I wont give up on me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
well another week
I decded to have yesterday off from ww it was quite nice to just not have to think about it for a day. But today i am back on it and off i go. I feel kinda mad at myself I seem to be falling into a depressive state, im getting headaches again and feeling stressed...this is also impacting how i am seeing myself. I know i need to nip it in the bud now so going to go back to the doctors yet again.
I have decided though as from today I am worth this and I will do this, I keep pussy fotting around and yes I am losing weight but atm I just feel so down I can take it in. I should be shouting from the roof tops that i have lost 16.5 pounds, so why arent i? instead im sitting here most days in tears thinking how much of a loser i am...so time to get positive and get back on the happy bus. Im off out today with a mate then shopping later so today is my first day of thinking positive! I think one of the reasons I feel so down is that stupid placement, it was rubbish, and the whole presentation was rubbish too. no ones fault just we werent that good at it I am hoping with practice it will get better :) but for now i need to move my head away from that and onwards...never look back as they say!
I have decided though as from today I am worth this and I will do this, I keep pussy fotting around and yes I am losing weight but atm I just feel so down I can take it in. I should be shouting from the roof tops that i have lost 16.5 pounds, so why arent i? instead im sitting here most days in tears thinking how much of a loser i am...so time to get positive and get back on the happy bus. Im off out today with a mate then shopping later so today is my first day of thinking positive! I think one of the reasons I feel so down is that stupid placement, it was rubbish, and the whole presentation was rubbish too. no ones fault just we werent that good at it I am hoping with practice it will get better :) but for now i need to move my head away from that and onwards...never look back as they say!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
weigh in week 9
well I lost another 2 pounds, I start off the week cool, then come monday/tuesday it all goes to pot.
I've had a bad week, I just seem to sit here crying most of the time lately and sounding all emo. I feel my presentation went very badly, everyone else's was so organised and cool, then we were just so rubbish, the dvd was poor, the work we presented was poor. everyone keeps saying dont be silly you might be surprised with your grade, its not helping everybody,
I just feel such a loser all the time, im fat im 20 stone im ugly, and im crap at presenting and I cant even stick to my ww for a week. I am usualy such a happy go lucky person, I am contemplating giving up the course cos I really am crap at presentations and this course is full of them, this course is just making me so down and like a loser its unbelievable. im sorting out my sons room right now, mulling over things I guess there is some fight in me, I might try and get a book on improving how to present. i will have a look later. anyway back to cleaning the room.
I've had a bad week, I just seem to sit here crying most of the time lately and sounding all emo. I feel my presentation went very badly, everyone else's was so organised and cool, then we were just so rubbish, the dvd was poor, the work we presented was poor. everyone keeps saying dont be silly you might be surprised with your grade, its not helping everybody,
I KNOW it was rubbish!
I just keep thinking I have failed the whole placement, I have no idea what happens if that is true but will mean 7 weeks of work down the drain.I just feel such a loser all the time, im fat im 20 stone im ugly, and im crap at presenting and I cant even stick to my ww for a week. I am usualy such a happy go lucky person, I am contemplating giving up the course cos I really am crap at presentations and this course is full of them, this course is just making me so down and like a loser its unbelievable. im sorting out my sons room right now, mulling over things I guess there is some fight in me, I might try and get a book on improving how to present. i will have a look later. anyway back to cleaning the room.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
saturday
well today I feel a bit better, I am leaving myself in the DVD mainly because a girl has worked hard on it, and it flows better for the presentation.
I have learn though that this is something I will probably not do ever again, well not while I am this size anyway. I am the sort of person who will run from cameras, so to do a dvd was a big thing for me. I do just look hideous, one of the nicer girls said "I think we wore the wrong things" I know she was being polite, she meant you wore the wrong thing. I am so mad about one of the girls, she is very slim and moaning that she looks pregnant! Your know this girl is like a size 12 she had a tinsy winsy bit of belly and I just thought BEEEP you. To top it all she is desperate to get hold of this dvd and I know it isnt for a good reason, why on earth would she want a copy after the presentation has been made? hmm stinks of taking the piss of us with her mates. Maybe I am being paranoid but just little bits of body language I pick up from her.
Well I am still on ww, still sticking to it each day I am aware that I could get down and start to eat, so today I am going to get in tons of nice things that are low points, and steer away from anything that can ruin a diet. I might pop to asda for a change and see what they have going I know when I do go they tend to have alot of ww friendly items for us. So heres to hoping I am still ok on thursday, got a few obsticles to get over during the week, the main one being the group wants to go out for a closure meal, I will see what they all suggest and decide form there if I want to go, but I think a ncie carvery would be lovely.
I have learn though that this is something I will probably not do ever again, well not while I am this size anyway. I am the sort of person who will run from cameras, so to do a dvd was a big thing for me. I do just look hideous, one of the nicer girls said "I think we wore the wrong things" I know she was being polite, she meant you wore the wrong thing. I am so mad about one of the girls, she is very slim and moaning that she looks pregnant! Your know this girl is like a size 12 she had a tinsy winsy bit of belly and I just thought BEEEP you. To top it all she is desperate to get hold of this dvd and I know it isnt for a good reason, why on earth would she want a copy after the presentation has been made? hmm stinks of taking the piss of us with her mates. Maybe I am being paranoid but just little bits of body language I pick up from her.
Well I am still on ww, still sticking to it each day I am aware that I could get down and start to eat, so today I am going to get in tons of nice things that are low points, and steer away from anything that can ruin a diet. I might pop to asda for a change and see what they have going I know when I do go they tend to have alot of ww friendly items for us. So heres to hoping I am still ok on thursday, got a few obsticles to get over during the week, the main one being the group wants to go out for a closure meal, I will see what they all suggest and decide form there if I want to go, but I think a ncie carvery would be lovely.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I got to thinking today
Bit dangerous I know me thinking, Ive been doing this ww for 8 weeks now, and I have struggled big time since I was ill. However you know what ......I am still here, still trying to lose this weight!!!! that is a big thing for me, I am still committed to getting thin and havent given up on myself yet and i dont think I will. Fantastic mind set change, as before I'd have been gone by now and given up for sure!
Yes at the moment i feel so low about how I look, seeing myself on dvd just shows me how I look to the world really, it smacked me right in the face what a mess I look. I wonder how I let myself get to this stage, and probably other people are thinking that too!
I am going to lose this weight and I so want to be thin, right now a stone seems a small drop in a big ocean for me, I should celebrate my loss but to be honest its not made any difference yet to anything, my clothes arent any looser yet and I am still hideous looking, but one thing I do know is that when I do lose more it will show. I just have to be patient its just hard to be sometimes. I hope that I will see the losses as good in times to come - I figure I have to lose about 11 stone to be in my healthy range, you that is actually more than I want to weigh at the end, I am twice the size I should be, its just daunting when you think of it that way. For now though I am aiming for 12 stone, my problem is I know all the talk about breaking up into smaller goals, however I get to my smaller goal and thats it ive done my goal my head things done it thats it and I find it hard to refocus on another goal and I give up, so now my mindset is I cant stop till I get to 12 stone. Simple no matter what I wont stop until I hit 12 stone.
I just have to make sure I stick to it, easier said then done, the boys are eating me out of house and home and I am losing money quick on a student bursary, I am going to have to cut back on everything big time. Plus side is I prob will only be able to afford 3 meals a day and fruit inbetween, already had a chat with the boys about food consumption - because they just graze constantly and everything is gone within a day or two, frustrating when it comes to making their lunches. So now I have told them when its gone its gone one shop a week and thats it.
so here I am, I would love in 3 years to be able to make a new video as was suggested on the ww site and have me as a slim size 16 generally healthy and feeling much better about myself.
Yes at the moment i feel so low about how I look, seeing myself on dvd just shows me how I look to the world really, it smacked me right in the face what a mess I look. I wonder how I let myself get to this stage, and probably other people are thinking that too!
I am going to lose this weight and I so want to be thin, right now a stone seems a small drop in a big ocean for me, I should celebrate my loss but to be honest its not made any difference yet to anything, my clothes arent any looser yet and I am still hideous looking, but one thing I do know is that when I do lose more it will show. I just have to be patient its just hard to be sometimes. I hope that I will see the losses as good in times to come - I figure I have to lose about 11 stone to be in my healthy range, you that is actually more than I want to weigh at the end, I am twice the size I should be, its just daunting when you think of it that way. For now though I am aiming for 12 stone, my problem is I know all the talk about breaking up into smaller goals, however I get to my smaller goal and thats it ive done my goal my head things done it thats it and I find it hard to refocus on another goal and I give up, so now my mindset is I cant stop till I get to 12 stone. Simple no matter what I wont stop until I hit 12 stone.
I just have to make sure I stick to it, easier said then done, the boys are eating me out of house and home and I am losing money quick on a student bursary, I am going to have to cut back on everything big time. Plus side is I prob will only be able to afford 3 meals a day and fruit inbetween, already had a chat with the boys about food consumption - because they just graze constantly and everything is gone within a day or two, frustrating when it comes to making their lunches. So now I have told them when its gone its gone one shop a week and thats it.
so here I am, I would love in 3 years to be able to make a new video as was suggested on the ww site and have me as a slim size 16 generally healthy and feeling much better about myself.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
weigh in week 8
well had a bit of a tiswas yesterday, and I havebeen going off the rails. Was crying everything was going wrong, I looked hideous in the dvd and HATE IT! I mean literally hate it and I want to ditch the thing, so going to talk to my fellow team mates today about me not being in it and presenting verbally.
Well anyway woke up weighed myself and I lost 2.5 pounds. I am now at my 1 stone loss, somehow I thought I would feel much more happy cos I wanted to get to it, but all I feel is its such a fluke I went off the rails for like 3 days. Anyway I will try my best to keep on this ww lark for another week, I think I will be struggling day to day really, Im so fed up and I know I should be patient but just hate the way I look so much it sends me into a spiral of depression, the dvd really didnt help me at all! I need to break this stupid mind set and realise i am doing something about it now and crak on with it, Its silly but Im depressed cos im so fat and ugly and want to be thin so I eat more! wtf is that about? oh well going to have to get ready for uni now I will ponder this thought today.
Well anyway woke up weighed myself and I lost 2.5 pounds. I am now at my 1 stone loss, somehow I thought I would feel much more happy cos I wanted to get to it, but all I feel is its such a fluke I went off the rails for like 3 days. Anyway I will try my best to keep on this ww lark for another week, I think I will be struggling day to day really, Im so fed up and I know I should be patient but just hate the way I look so much it sends me into a spiral of depression, the dvd really didnt help me at all! I need to break this stupid mind set and realise i am doing something about it now and crak on with it, Its silly but Im depressed cos im so fat and ugly and want to be thin so I eat more! wtf is that about? oh well going to have to get ready for uni now I will ponder this thought today.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
hey everyone its saturday!
haha ok feeling in a good mood today, and still on ww wooooot! pretty proud of myself getting back into it and not giving up which I thought had happened! ...I hope I will be bale to stick to it for a while to come. I so want my first stone loss this week that would be so awesome! I have to admit I have been sneaky peeking ...bit naughty I know, but since its the same scales that I weigh in anyway (cos im one of those online people) it doesnt really give me a false reading, LOL urmm oh well ....
today we are shooitng our dvd for the presentation, I might not of mentioned this so a bit of background info. I am a student nurse and for my first placement we begrudgingly had to do a community profile project, hard to explain but basically we had to wander about an area and find out what health services are available for the area then chose a specific group in that area and find out how these services can help them. So we like daft gits chose travellers. We didnt feel like presenting our findings in the normal way we wanted to do something a bit differnt, so we are doing a dvd of sorts, so that is where we are now at the dvd making day. Im very nervous, not sure why rofl and im a little bit excited :D
I just hope my work is right and we get a good grade cos I have put in alot of time on this project and would literally cry if i got an F cos id done the wrong bit so will keep you informed on all that stuff.
Still not got the gym yet and I havent been on wwi fit for a while either, I really need to get back into it and start to do some exercise somewhere, mind you lately with walking about our target area I have got that exercise going for me. well off to get ready and update later on in the week!
today we are shooitng our dvd for the presentation, I might not of mentioned this so a bit of background info. I am a student nurse and for my first placement we begrudgingly had to do a community profile project, hard to explain but basically we had to wander about an area and find out what health services are available for the area then chose a specific group in that area and find out how these services can help them. So we like daft gits chose travellers. We didnt feel like presenting our findings in the normal way we wanted to do something a bit differnt, so we are doing a dvd of sorts, so that is where we are now at the dvd making day. Im very nervous, not sure why rofl and im a little bit excited :D
I just hope my work is right and we get a good grade cos I have put in alot of time on this project and would literally cry if i got an F cos id done the wrong bit so will keep you informed on all that stuff.
Still not got the gym yet and I havent been on wwi fit for a while either, I really need to get back into it and start to do some exercise somewhere, mind you lately with walking about our target area I have got that exercise going for me. well off to get ready and update later on in the week!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
in the pink
Yeah ok I change my blog colours alot, I kinda like pink atm very girly and oh boy I need girly in my life LOL. well so far so good, on day 1 of back on track, I have stuck within my points got tons of extra yummy low fat stuff in the house!!!. It makes it so much easier when you have the right foods and nice yummy stuff too. Right now i am eating a massive bowl of strawberries and 0 point jelly all for 0.5 points! still have 4 points left for the day too! but im kinda at my stuffed limit now but see how it goes later, im a night owl so might get peckish later on.
Well didnt get to the gym today after all I really do need to make an effort with my exercise, maybe I will just stick with wii fit for a while, I know eventually I want to jog and be good at it but for now I realise my limitations in that area and will wait till im alot slimmer before I force myself on the world of joggers. well wanted to do a quick post I always find it keeps my mind set into ww if i keep posting hence i post ALOT, if i forget to read the posts on ww board, or forget to post here I kinda seem to forget to point and track and lose weight.
Well didnt get to the gym today after all I really do need to make an effort with my exercise, maybe I will just stick with wii fit for a while, I know eventually I want to jog and be good at it but for now I realise my limitations in that area and will wait till im alot slimmer before I force myself on the world of joggers. well wanted to do a quick post I always find it keeps my mind set into ww if i keep posting hence i post ALOT, if i forget to read the posts on ww board, or forget to post here I kinda seem to forget to point and track and lose weight.
wi week 7
How pants am I? week 7 and only lost 12 pounds overall, Today is showing a loss of 2 pounds I dont know how though I havent really followed the plan at all, I did have totm last week so I think its just that going, so I am guessing it was really a sts which is coool! I guess I shouldnt be too disheartened I have still lost but omg so slow , then again it is a healthy weight loss at 2 pounds a week on average LOL. Well had a bad few weeks to be honest and I am struggling big time but today i am going to try yet again to keep within my points and eat healthy food wait did I say try I meant I WILL. I also want to join a gym I just have this over whelming urge to do so, so I will prob walk down to the gym round the corner later and sign up again.
Well for now just a quick post to keep it real and get me back into the ww thing, off to go finish off our project and get an A (hehe we hope)
Well for now just a quick post to keep it real and get me back into the ww thing, off to go finish off our project and get an A (hehe we hope)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Struggling!
well dammit that sneaky peek really did throw me, or was it the 10 pound gain LOL, anyway had another sneaky peek today and its spurred me to get back on it, things are not as bad as they seem, I am still on track for losing my first stone in the next couple of weeks. I have 5 weeks until my first proper placement I am going to aim to have lost my first stone by then, all I need to do is get my finger out and get back on the wagon and this will be possible.....so I am officially saying to the word right now, I AM BACK ON THE WAGON FROM TODAY I WILL STICK TO MY POINTS AND I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT!.
there said it and in caps so you could all hear me LOL, so today I am going to get right back to basics pretend its week 1 and just stick within my points.
I was doing some uni work today and started to make me think, I dont want to be this big any more, I want to be a size 16 nurse! and I am going to get what I want because this is my time! so nerr to you low self image you cant bring me down because I WILL WIN!
there said it and in caps so you could all hear me LOL, so today I am going to get right back to basics pretend its week 1 and just stick within my points.
I was doing some uni work today and started to make me think, I dont want to be this big any more, I want to be a size 16 nurse! and I am going to get what I want because this is my time! so nerr to you low self image you cant bring me down because I WILL WIN!
Friday, April 24, 2009
just been for a walk
well last day of the dog from hell today and thought id take her for a walk, i kinda feel bad now cos shes actually rather cute, just dont want her living with me LOL. Anyway we enjoyed our walk together and fed the swans and just ambled along by the water, it was a lovely day. I got to thinking, I have been feeling really down this last week, and the dog didnt help really as a consequence my weight loss went by the wayside a bit, i had 3 days where i didnt follow it at all. I had the little voice inside saying "you only lost 10 pounds how rubbish are you...you may as well give up now it will take forever to lose weight" well you know what that little voice isnt going to win, cos I am 10 pounds down only 4 to go for my first stone, ive had a week of being really ill followed by a week of stress at going back to uni after the holiday, and having a dog in my house, no wonder i am struggling. I can see where my pattern is though, something will throw me off routine and I go to pot, on wednesday I went in uni and because I didnt have much food in the house I couldnt take sandwiches, so had some soup at uni but got home starving still with no food in teh house, so we got a KFC, and it snowballed from there. I need to start getting ME sorted first, making sure the night before I do have food for the next day and I wont go hungry and then eat easy high fat food.
Anyway I am back to pointing today and though i dont have any mojo but i am just going through the motions anyway and I know my mojo will come, I am also aware this week I may gain again, but I will do everything I can to try and not let that happen. I am under a bit of pressure at the moment with uni, i have a presentation on monday but it isnt graded, then i have a presentation in 3 weeks which will be graded, i just feel like nothing is coming together on top of that i have to start to fill in my portfolio for the first time, scary stuff!
Anyway I am back to pointing today and though i dont have any mojo but i am just going through the motions anyway and I know my mojo will come, I am also aware this week I may gain again, but I will do everything I can to try and not let that happen. I am under a bit of pressure at the moment with uni, i have a presentation on monday but it isnt graded, then i have a presentation in 3 weeks which will be graded, i just feel like nothing is coming together on top of that i have to start to fill in my portfolio for the first time, scary stuff!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
weigh in day and demon dogs
well its been an odd week, I have had two very bad days, and today isnt going any better either. I stood on the scales and put on 10 pounds!!! I mean wtf?? no way can anyone put 10 pounds on in a week! its just ludricrous
I am guessing last weeks weight loss was a bit false to say the least!!!!! so Im going to call it a 2 pound gain which sounds about right and ignore the fact last week existed. I need to get some shopping into the house which is proving to be hard at the moment, not physically but mentally.
I have the demon dog from hell and shes just getting me down so much, she really is lucky she is still alive. Shes just so spoilt and gross and ..and ..and, I cant eat cos she makes me feel sick, the cats are living under the bed and on top of the fridge, and to top it all I have to share my bed with it or I get no sleep from the whining and scratching she makes, which belive me is loud at 2 am. Anyway shes going back tomrorow thank god! and then a change of sheets and back to normal, I could really rant about this dog for ages but I will spare you the hatred I have for it LOL.
For now I need to really concentrate on getting me back into the groove and I dont think it will happen until tomorrow when the demon dog has gone. But I will get back on track!
I am guessing last weeks weight loss was a bit false to say the least!!!!! so Im going to call it a 2 pound gain which sounds about right and ignore the fact last week existed. I need to get some shopping into the house which is proving to be hard at the moment, not physically but mentally.
I have the demon dog from hell and shes just getting me down so much, she really is lucky she is still alive. Shes just so spoilt and gross and ..and ..and, I cant eat cos she makes me feel sick, the cats are living under the bed and on top of the fridge, and to top it all I have to share my bed with it or I get no sleep from the whining and scratching she makes, which belive me is loud at 2 am. Anyway shes going back tomrorow thank god! and then a change of sheets and back to normal, I could really rant about this dog for ages but I will spare you the hatred I have for it LOL.
For now I need to really concentrate on getting me back into the groove and I dont think it will happen until tomorrow when the demon dog has gone. But I will get back on track!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
oh boy sneaky peeks
well had a bad day yesterday! i did a sneaky peek in the morning and for some reason I have put on tons of weight, Im not entirely sre how much, i will find out for sure tomorrow. I am guessing because I was ill last week it wasnt an accurate reading, and now I can eat again its just put my body back into sync, but it is also totm as well. Anyway needless to say went off the rails a bit yesterday, and I wont even start to point it, because I think it would be impossible to do so. Then at night got invited to a friends for a bbq which was mega yummy. So today back on track and pointing again. I need to badly go shopping tonight, both me and the cats are low on food.
I have my mums dog here with me this week too, shes the most spoilt dog you have ever seen, and to be honest I cant wait for her to go back on friday, then me and my cats can get back our little routine - I really dont do good when my routine is out of sync!
I have my mums dog here with me this week too, shes the most spoilt dog you have ever seen, and to be honest I cant wait for her to go back on friday, then me and my cats can get back our little routine - I really dont do good when my routine is out of sync!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
dumplings!
Well very quick post to say about my dumpling experience, I thought it was worth blogging about. Tonight I had a chicken stew with lots of veg and potatoes, in the freezer we have some aunt bessies dumplings. Well pointed one and it was 4 points - I had tons left so thought i will treat myself. Well I love dumplings! they are just major yummy squishy stodgy just yummy. So i popped one in for me and a couple for me son. Dished up dinner and went to dive into my dumpling and it was rock hard LOL. Now normally I would crunch my way thought it and not really ejoy it at all, but today I CHUCKED IT AWAY!!! I was so not going to spend 4 points on a tiny crunchy horrible tasting thing, instead i have pear and banana and ambrosia low fat custard instead! HA much nicer and worth the points!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Into the groove!
well I am feeling much better, started to feel better last night, and managed to eat all day yesterday and as every hour that went by I just bounced back. Feel almost at 100% again and I can now manage rl again...YAY go me!
I was so good today, I had to meet some uni mates for a project, and we were meeting in macdonalds! Anyway before I went I drove over to macdonals in my town for some lunch for my kids and I knew we had no food in the house since id been too ill to even shop (now thats defo ill for me) so pondered over getting a macdonalds with the kids - nice juicy big mac i as thinking as I was waiting in the queue. For some reason when it came to ordering I just didnt order me one. Got home and had to rush off pretty fast to meet my friends. Well got there and they were eating macdonalds, and by now my tummy was shouting feed me. So I got a salad, and how yummy was that! it was humungous, (ok could have been more chicken) but I pointed it as 2.5 points for the chicken, rest was just salad and had no sauce. So I survived macdonalds not once today but twice! how cool is that, I dont even feel like I am missing out because I did have food from macdonalds! HA well tongiht some nice fish and chips home made and a yummy bread roll for a chip butty - got tons of points left so thought why not. I am so in the zone right now and its just onwards and downwards from now on, I would be silly to not keep this up, I really can have anyhting I want!
I was so good today, I had to meet some uni mates for a project, and we were meeting in macdonalds! Anyway before I went I drove over to macdonals in my town for some lunch for my kids and I knew we had no food in the house since id been too ill to even shop (now thats defo ill for me) so pondered over getting a macdonalds with the kids - nice juicy big mac i as thinking as I was waiting in the queue. For some reason when it came to ordering I just didnt order me one. Got home and had to rush off pretty fast to meet my friends. Well got there and they were eating macdonalds, and by now my tummy was shouting feed me. So I got a salad, and how yummy was that! it was humungous, (ok could have been more chicken) but I pointed it as 2.5 points for the chicken, rest was just salad and had no sauce. So I survived macdonalds not once today but twice! how cool is that, I dont even feel like I am missing out because I did have food from macdonalds! HA well tongiht some nice fish and chips home made and a yummy bread roll for a chip butty - got tons of points left so thought why not. I am so in the zone right now and its just onwards and downwards from now on, I would be silly to not keep this up, I really can have anyhting I want!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
wi week 5
well still not feeling too good, I just wish this thing would go away now, well I dont know if to be happy or what by this weight loss this week, I lost an anazing 8 pounds!, I was a bit surprised to say the least. It has got me to 1 stone 6 pound loss now and I got a 5% star on my weight tracker and another 11.5 pounds to my 10% .
I think it has alot to do with me being sick and i just wasnt able to eat all my points, it was literally get what you can down that had the least fat in it so my tummy didnt have too much pain. I have not managed to do any exercise since saturday and to be honest I am just getting fed up with being sick now, I just want to get back into my routine and eat nice food and bounce about on the wii fit. I think tongiht I will leave any treats for another night LOL, my treat will probably be 0 point jelly at the best!
I think it has alot to do with me being sick and i just wasnt able to eat all my points, it was literally get what you can down that had the least fat in it so my tummy didnt have too much pain. I have not managed to do any exercise since saturday and to be honest I am just getting fed up with being sick now, I just want to get back into my routine and eat nice food and bounce about on the wii fit. I think tongiht I will leave any treats for another night LOL, my treat will probably be 0 point jelly at the best!
Monday, April 13, 2009
a late night post and a SP
well had a day of feeling major rough, i think it might be my gall stones but im not sure - my tummy feels so uncomfy and I have a constant dull ache - i know its not totm cos its not due yet - so not sure what to make of it yet, but I think a trip to the docs is in order. Everytime I eat it gets worse, great for losing weight but not for using up points, managed to get some food in me and saved the last four points to cover the blip over the weekend has all gone now, Im now caught up to the points for the week.
Well was a bit naughty today, I knew I wouldnt be able to resist all week and I had a sneaky peek! Its showing a loss so far!! but not going to report anything until my official weigh in as my weight does fluctuate lots.
I think off to bed and maybe a hot water bottle on my tummy. next stop weigh in day!
Well was a bit naughty today, I knew I wouldnt be able to resist all week and I had a sneaky peek! Its showing a loss so far!! but not going to report anything until my official weigh in as my weight does fluctuate lots.
I think off to bed and maybe a hot water bottle on my tummy. next stop weigh in day!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
changes n stuff
I noticed today I eat more slowly, I savour every single taste. It may be because I only have my 3 meals a day with fruit in between, dont get me wrong i am never hungry but I do appreciate the taste of food. Its a nice change really, before I would stuff it all in and not really even think about the fact I was eating, it was just something to do! I hope this is the start of a new way of life and I feel it was a key factor in my eating habits.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
i want my 1 stone loss next week
There I have said it wrote it down and I want it!, I need to lose 2 pounds to get to my first stone, and I want that first stone gone so badly. I am well back on track again, have made up 1.5 points of my little blip the other night and got my milk and had my porridge, so all is good in the world again LOL.
I had to buy a sports bra, I ordered it online and it cost a fortune 28 quid! I hope it fits or I will be a bit miffed. I was jogging yesterday on the wii fit and my boobs were hurting so I definately need one, hopefully it will hold me still. I am still loving the wii fit and the more games I unlock the bettter it gets, although I am getting a bit worried, I hope there is many levels to unlock so I dont get bored too quickly!
So here goes next week and my 2 pound loss for my first stone! I WILL DO IT
I had to buy a sports bra, I ordered it online and it cost a fortune 28 quid! I hope it fits or I will be a bit miffed. I was jogging yesterday on the wii fit and my boobs were hurting so I definately need one, hopefully it will hold me still. I am still loving the wii fit and the more games I unlock the bettter it gets, although I am getting a bit worried, I hope there is many levels to unlock so I dont get bored too quickly!
So here goes next week and my 2 pound loss for my first stone! I WILL DO IT
Friday, April 10, 2009
found my mojo
It was hiding in morrisons under the fruit and veg stall. I woke up today went to the fridge there was NO MILK! my yuongest son walks by says "oh yeah thats cos i had hot choclate last night made from milk". Well still felt really sick Im sure that chinese was dodgy , anyway i didnt have much breakfast food in the house, because I r usualy haveporridge, might be a major flaw in the plan if I have no milk! so toast it was ...then later for lunch i peeked into the fridge which was looking kinda bare, there was a ww pasta thing and ww pasta sauce and then I also devoured 2 packets of ww crisps ..oh well ho hum! - by now feeling I like saying *beep* it im gonna pig out, luckily I didnt realy have much food left in the house LOL so had to go shopping. Icame back with the yummiest low fat food EVER tons of fruit and my mojo!!! - so I'm still in points today even got 5 left over after dinner, going to save 2 for the urmm mistake yesterday and prob have some strawberrys and elmlea light later!
oh oh i also had a curry tonight - it was fabba i had half a veg curry for 2 points and half a chicken jalfezi for 3.5 points and pilau rice for 3 points and a naan bread for 3.5 a feast i tell ya all for 12 points! so had my treat at last LOL
oh oh i also had a curry tonight - it was fabba i had half a veg curry for 2 points and half a chicken jalfezi for 3.5 points and pilau rice for 3 points and a naan bread for 3.5 a feast i tell ya all for 12 points! so had my treat at last LOL
Thursday, April 9, 2009
really bingey night
Well had a pretty bad night I think I will go and log it all soon to face up to how far over I went. I treated myself to a chinese all pointed, but it made me feel sick! - I just didnt enjoy it at all (pinches myself) and I just think I will not even start to call that a treat from now on, it was major rank! Anyway it led me to have a mini food eat - i ate 3 packets of iced gems, they are 1.5 points each so 4.5 there, 2 light chocolate mousses at 1 point each so 2 points there and some prawn crackers well full bag is 5 points but i probably ate half a bag so 3 points there and 2 sweet and sour chicken balls I would hazard a guess at 3 points. So in all I had 3.5 points left over from chinese for the day anyway so I have about 9 points over in full Not bad!!
I could feel myself slipping and even posted earlier I wasnt going to let it happen, but you know what, I am not going to beat myself up over it. I think it was the fact my "treat" made me feel sick and I felt I needed a treat. Anyway 9 points isnt bad, but I am going to draw a line under it and not try tooooo hard to claw it back, because to be honest I think my exercise will cover it, however having said that if I can claw back the points then I will but like I said not my number one priority. So there we go no more chinese for me! I think next week I need dumplings so yummy ww meal here i come rofl im craving for them badly hahaha!
I could feel myself slipping and even posted earlier I wasnt going to let it happen, but you know what, I am not going to beat myself up over it. I think it was the fact my "treat" made me feel sick and I felt I needed a treat. Anyway 9 points isnt bad, but I am going to draw a line under it and not try tooooo hard to claw it back, because to be honest I think my exercise will cover it, however having said that if I can claw back the points then I will but like I said not my number one priority. So there we go no more chinese for me! I think next week I need dumplings so yummy ww meal here i come rofl im craving for them badly hahaha!
weigh in week 4
Well this week I lost 3 pounds! I am really happy with that. I still want it all gone right now . im just realy impatient LOL but know that it will all build up eventually. I have been doing wii fit all week as well and pointing and weighing everything and also making sure I ate all my points during the week. That is a first for me because usually I find it hard to get all of my points in but I think that was because I was under pointing some things due to not weighing, yesterday I was so hungry I had to make some zero point soup too just to get me through the evening. I have also been wanting to pick and binge like mad lately, something I have been reisiting big time and will keep on resisiting, I will not allow myself to sabotage this weight loss any more! This time I will succeed and I will make myself a number one priority.
Monday, April 6, 2009
wow middle of week 4
I am so chuffed I am still on ww. I have been a bit naughty this week, not food wise but the dreaded sneaky peek wise! I just needed to know I was losing weight this week, I got so paranoid after lasts weeks sts thinking I was doing it wrong that I needed to double check. Well I have lost a bit but will wait now until wi day and see just how much. I have been weighing and measuring EVERYTHING and making sure I eat all my points too!
I have also fell in love with the wii fit. Man im addicted, I absolutely love it. I really can feel myself aching from it LOL ...Im not that fit but I am really enjoying have a move about with the wii fit. The only problem is its so much fun you forget to stop and over do a bit LOL. I try to get to about 40 mins a day then it tells me to have a break, so I tend to heed its advice and go for one. I love yoga and that is what I find the best on wii fit i tend to start off with yoga then slowly progress to the fat burning bits LOL not sure how many fitness points i would get for it but Im not going to use them anyway.
I have also decided I think I will go for a picnic this week, weather permitting I might take some pics as well as we are thinking of going to salcey forest for a walk in the trees so will take my camera and my pedometer!
I have also fell in love with the wii fit. Man im addicted, I absolutely love it. I really can feel myself aching from it LOL ...Im not that fit but I am really enjoying have a move about with the wii fit. The only problem is its so much fun you forget to stop and over do a bit LOL. I try to get to about 40 mins a day then it tells me to have a break, so I tend to heed its advice and go for one. I love yoga and that is what I find the best on wii fit i tend to start off with yoga then slowly progress to the fat burning bits LOL not sure how many fitness points i would get for it but Im not going to use them anyway.
I have also decided I think I will go for a picnic this week, weather permitting I might take some pics as well as we are thinking of going to salcey forest for a walk in the trees so will take my camera and my pedometer!
Friday, April 3, 2009
im in week 4
Its pretty amazing really wow im in week 4 and still on this ww lark! Im impressed with myself, been learning alot about my bad pointing habits today - I need to weigh everything! Course i had been pointing a banana as 1.5 points and pears as 1 points etc because thats what the tracker says but know i know its an average! - however if i weigh like them today had a banana 2.5 points! I can see now why I sts this last week, I was eating all my points daily and prob going well over because i was pointing wrong. So this week hopefully I will get it right.
I dont know why I just feel this time is different, normally I would have had a sts and been thoroughly dissapointed and off to the fridge but i wasnt and didnt, I just thought better luck next week, and what did I do wrong etc.
Well I am hoping next week a combination of wii fit and eating the right points will give me a nice result, cos I so want to get to that first stone. I also had like 4 points left tonight so thought well why not have a packet of crisps they were 2 points and yummy. Now I LOVE crisps and I not had any proper crisps for 3 weeks now, and I ate them slowly didnt stuff them in like I susually do LOL. I just noticed that they lasted for like 5 mins or more and I could really appreciate the taste, maybe my habits are changing!
I dont know why I just feel this time is different, normally I would have had a sts and been thoroughly dissapointed and off to the fridge but i wasnt and didnt, I just thought better luck next week, and what did I do wrong etc.
Well I am hoping next week a combination of wii fit and eating the right points will give me a nice result, cos I so want to get to that first stone. I also had like 4 points left tonight so thought well why not have a packet of crisps they were 2 points and yummy. Now I LOVE crisps and I not had any proper crisps for 3 weeks now, and I ate them slowly didnt stuff them in like I susually do LOL. I just noticed that they lasted for like 5 mins or more and I could really appreciate the taste, maybe my habits are changing!
omg wii fit wii fit wii fit!!!
I got my wii with wii fit!
hahah Im so excited about it im jumping all over the room LOL I had a go on it and it was fabba! I am so happy I decided to get it... now I can really have fun and exercise. It was just so cool you didnt even know you were exercising because you had to concntrate on keeping your body in the yellow dot LOL - I even ran for 2 minutes!!! 2 whole minutes hahaha ..omg that kinda sounds sad now but lol I felt so chuffed, going to go on it a bit more later and clock up some more points ..Yup Im addicted!
I am so going to lose weight this week! im determined
hahah Im so excited about it im jumping all over the room LOL I had a go on it and it was fabba! I am so happy I decided to get it... now I can really have fun and exercise. It was just so cool you didnt even know you were exercising because you had to concntrate on keeping your body in the yellow dot LOL - I even ran for 2 minutes!!! 2 whole minutes hahaha ..omg that kinda sounds sad now but lol I felt so chuffed, going to go on it a bit more later and clock up some more points ..Yup Im addicted!
I am so going to lose weight this week! im determined
I am feeling a bit paranoid today
I usualy very rarely eat all my points every day, and at the end of the week I find I have a couple left over. Well this last week I thought I should really eat all my points and do it properly and I got a sts.
Now I am paranoid, am I pointing things right, or eating too much of something. I figure it might be a bit of both, I dont want to get into this odd crazy weight every morsel person but right that is what I feel like doing. I am toying with getting the ww food scales but then are they worth it really? Im going to probably see how I go this week, if its another sts then I will get right down to nitty gritty and back to real basics for me. Only plus side is today I should get my wii fit so will at last be doing some form of exercise I'm kinda hoping it will cover all my bad pointing efforts and give me a loss next week! fingers crossed
Now I am paranoid, am I pointing things right, or eating too much of something. I figure it might be a bit of both, I dont want to get into this odd crazy weight every morsel person but right that is what I feel like doing. I am toying with getting the ww food scales but then are they worth it really? Im going to probably see how I go this week, if its another sts then I will get right down to nitty gritty and back to real basics for me. Only plus side is today I should get my wii fit so will at last be doing some form of exercise I'm kinda hoping it will cover all my bad pointing efforts and give me a loss next week! fingers crossed
Thursday, April 2, 2009
weigh in week 3
Well this weeks result was a sts, I am not sure how to feel about it, I am not upset just dissapointed I didnt lose anything, more so wondering why! Did I do anything wrong or is it just one of those things that happened. So this week I am going to weigh everything and make sure I point it right and see how it goes. I also treated myself to a wii fit, not sure I should have but I wanted one and got my council tax back from being a student so thought well its money I would not have had anyway so lets treat myself for once. So this week I will also be getting in exercise and hopefully the scales will show a loss next week.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
haha walking and stuff like that
Well decided that I was going to go for a walk, so off i trot, I only got across the main road fast paced walking and was out of breath! how unfit am I, anyway slwoed down my pace and ended up walking for two miles. It was a lovely sunny day and I quite enjoyed it, however when I could see the end in sight my legs were getting wobbly and I just wanted to lay down and sleep LOL..anyway got home threw some water down my neck and got some food cos I was starving! then promptly fell into the computer chair. I do feel proud I did it but I might go and get a nintendo wii. I just find Im not that into exercise or maybe its because im pretty unfit either way I want to do something I really enjoy rather than have to force myself to do sommit because it will make me fit.
nearly end of week 3
Well almost the end of week 3 and wow still on it LOL. I am getting that excited feeling again I cant wait to see if I have lost anything tomorrow, I have got my mindset into thinking even a pound is great, because every pound is a pound down.
I am toying with the idea of going for a walk soon, its not often I do exercise I really dont fancy going to the gym because i know i wont be able to sustain it. So I think walking is probably the best thing for me.
Ive had an up and down week this week, my mum upset me on sunday, something she has a knack of doing. I mentioned to her that i was thinking of getting my kitchen plastered so she tookit on herself and went and organised for a friend to give me a quote. Only issue was I didnt ask her to and at the moment I really dont have the money for it anyway. For some reason it really gets me feeling down mainly because she always tries to interfere/control my life. Well I was quite pleased with myself though because she did this (and I know it was a helping thing) but usually I would be in the cupboard of fridge eating everything in sight, this time I just cried loads shouted a bit and got in a bad mood and eventually told her she upset me, and now I feel much better and didnt raid the cupboard once. Just plodded on with my healthy eating thing. I am hoping I am dealing with and changing my coping mechanisms and that when someone or something upsets me I wont just turn to food, I will deal with it head on and get rid of my anger in other ways.
I have finally settled on a goal weight, I am not going to focus on small weights as such, I will go stone by stone but I think I need to have an ultimate weight to aim for, and until I get to that weight I wont stop. I always find before I aim for a 50 pound loss as my goal before rethinking a new goal, when I got to 50 pounds loss I would then get complacent and then I would start to gain, so now I have in my head I cant stop until I am at 12 stone so that would mean I need to lose 129 pounds I have already lost the 9 pounds so only 120 to go LOL. So here hopefully it willl be less than 120 pounds tomorrow! I will let you know :)
I am toying with the idea of going for a walk soon, its not often I do exercise I really dont fancy going to the gym because i know i wont be able to sustain it. So I think walking is probably the best thing for me.
Ive had an up and down week this week, my mum upset me on sunday, something she has a knack of doing. I mentioned to her that i was thinking of getting my kitchen plastered so she tookit on herself and went and organised for a friend to give me a quote. Only issue was I didnt ask her to and at the moment I really dont have the money for it anyway. For some reason it really gets me feeling down mainly because she always tries to interfere/control my life. Well I was quite pleased with myself though because she did this (and I know it was a helping thing) but usually I would be in the cupboard of fridge eating everything in sight, this time I just cried loads shouted a bit and got in a bad mood and eventually told her she upset me, and now I feel much better and didnt raid the cupboard once. Just plodded on with my healthy eating thing. I am hoping I am dealing with and changing my coping mechanisms and that when someone or something upsets me I wont just turn to food, I will deal with it head on and get rid of my anger in other ways.
I have finally settled on a goal weight, I am not going to focus on small weights as such, I will go stone by stone but I think I need to have an ultimate weight to aim for, and until I get to that weight I wont stop. I always find before I aim for a 50 pound loss as my goal before rethinking a new goal, when I got to 50 pounds loss I would then get complacent and then I would start to gain, so now I have in my head I cant stop until I am at 12 stone so that would mean I need to lose 129 pounds I have already lost the 9 pounds so only 120 to go LOL. So here hopefully it willl be less than 120 pounds tomorrow! I will let you know :)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
half way through week 3
I was just making lunch today , and was thinking how nice the food is that i am eating recently. For breakfast most days I have oats so simple porridge. Its so filling I love it, I tend to have some fruit mid morning, today I have for lunch a torpedo roll, with lettuce =, chicken slices salad and mayo inside plus some ww crisps. I eat yummy food at nights too most nights LOL - and man why do I never stick to this? I can eat anything I want I just had to keep within my points, I never miss out on a single thing. So this time I am going to keep telling myself that, and keep to this thing. I just dont understand why I feel the need to binge or self sabotage my weight loss. I am guessing its an internal thing myabe a lack of self belief, however my new saying is "if i started it I must have thought i can do this!"
Friday, March 27, 2009
start of week 3
Wow the start of week 3, I was really good yesterday thought the 1.5 loss would knock me off a bit because i was a bit upset about it but the fantastic girls on ww board pulled me back, i realise it wasnt such a bad loss at all. I also managed to eat all my points something I do have trouble with sometimes. So life is good, and I still feel in the groove so to speak.
I have been thinking about exercise recently and should I do some or not, I think for now the best form for me is walking I dont want to start a project like going to the gym and finding that when I start placements its not feasible to carry on with it, least with walking it is something I do daily and is part of my life. I got my ww pedometer the other day and its fabba but its been too cold to go out for me, as I have been feeling ill recently and my ears are playing up alot so the wind didnt help when I did go out.
Though today I have been feeling better and have a bit more energy. I dont know what was wrong with me for a few days but I was just freezing cold all the time though my temperature was pretty normal, I felt lethargic and slightly sick when I ate fattyish foods and just ached all over. My ears are a lifelong problem and i get alot of earache and wind doesnt help it. Maybe next time I will wear my hoodie.
I am learning alot about myself, just pondering on things and gernerally trying to figure out what makes me tick, I am pulling in alot of knowledge from my counselling sessions and now they are actually starting to make sense, its only took me a year LOL.
I have been tyring to get a bit more organised especially with my nursing course, i spend way too much time procrastinating and I should be utilising this time and getting things done. its just so hard to motivate myself to sit and do it, though weirdly enough I can sit here for hours on facebook or the ww site LOL. I guess I should make a timetable and try and plan some study work in. Wow at me getting orgainsed!
I have been thinking about exercise recently and should I do some or not, I think for now the best form for me is walking I dont want to start a project like going to the gym and finding that when I start placements its not feasible to carry on with it, least with walking it is something I do daily and is part of my life. I got my ww pedometer the other day and its fabba but its been too cold to go out for me, as I have been feeling ill recently and my ears are playing up alot so the wind didnt help when I did go out.
Though today I have been feeling better and have a bit more energy. I dont know what was wrong with me for a few days but I was just freezing cold all the time though my temperature was pretty normal, I felt lethargic and slightly sick when I ate fattyish foods and just ached all over. My ears are a lifelong problem and i get alot of earache and wind doesnt help it. Maybe next time I will wear my hoodie.
I am learning alot about myself, just pondering on things and gernerally trying to figure out what makes me tick, I am pulling in alot of knowledge from my counselling sessions and now they are actually starting to make sense, its only took me a year LOL.
I have been tyring to get a bit more organised especially with my nursing course, i spend way too much time procrastinating and I should be utilising this time and getting things done. its just so hard to motivate myself to sit and do it, though weirdly enough I can sit here for hours on facebook or the ww site LOL. I guess I should make a timetable and try and plan some study work in. Wow at me getting orgainsed!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
weigh in result 2
Well this week I lost 1.5 pounds. I feel a bit blah about it, but its a healthy weight loss and its in the right direction so I should feel more positive.
I have just literally finished totm so maybe that has affected it as well. I dont know why I feel a bit down about it, I guess its the "I want it all off now syndrome", I neeed to realise that slow and steady wins the race. Because I know this "I want it all off now" is what makes me give up in the end because of high expectations or just not succeeding in what I wanted or just too slow for me, something I need to be aware of really. I need to get my mindset into being happy about any loss or sts because in reality that means I havent put any weight on, and the exercise of this is to not put any weight on right?
So to date I have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks, which isnt bad actually. an average of 4.5 a week, and only another 5 pounds to my first stone!!!. I have put my goal weight at 14 stone for now, but I know I would love to get to 12 stone eventually. I truely think this blog will eb a godsend to me and I thoroughly advise anyone to try and keep one going. I feel i am now in full on ww swing and I will keep chipping away at this weight and for once weight wise, i think I WILL GET WHAT I WANT!
I have just literally finished totm so maybe that has affected it as well. I dont know why I feel a bit down about it, I guess its the "I want it all off now syndrome", I neeed to realise that slow and steady wins the race. Because I know this "I want it all off now" is what makes me give up in the end because of high expectations or just not succeeding in what I wanted or just too slow for me, something I need to be aware of really. I need to get my mindset into being happy about any loss or sts because in reality that means I havent put any weight on, and the exercise of this is to not put any weight on right?
So to date I have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks, which isnt bad actually. an average of 4.5 a week, and only another 5 pounds to my first stone!!!. I have put my goal weight at 14 stone for now, but I know I would love to get to 12 stone eventually. I truely think this blog will eb a godsend to me and I thoroughly advise anyone to try and keep one going. I feel i am now in full on ww swing and I will keep chipping away at this weight and for once weight wise, i think I WILL GET WHAT I WANT!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
almost the end of week 2
Oh my goodness, its almost weigh in day again, that has come so quick. I'm getting that excited feeling again, I got my scales fixed again today and almost stood on them but resisted!
Well feeling really positive about life at the moment, I dont know if this is my imagination or reality, but when I lose weight I always physically feel it in my face, and I can feel that feeling, also my cheek bones are a bit more prominant. I really can't wait until I am starting to get into smaller clothes. I looked in my wardrobe yesterday and saw some of my smaller clothes from last year, size 22 so not that small to most but to me they are, and they looked tiny. Its pretty sad to say that size 22 looks small compared to what I wear now. Right now I am in a size 26 my problem is my bum and hips, they are way too big - my waist is alot smaller so when I buy clothes they tend to be too big for my waist and basically get held up by my bum and hips. To make matters worse I lose weight from the top down so I start to look like a weeble wobble LOL. Well was just a quick post and will post my weight loss tomrorow ...CANT WAIT!
Well feeling really positive about life at the moment, I dont know if this is my imagination or reality, but when I lose weight I always physically feel it in my face, and I can feel that feeling, also my cheek bones are a bit more prominant. I really can't wait until I am starting to get into smaller clothes. I looked in my wardrobe yesterday and saw some of my smaller clothes from last year, size 22 so not that small to most but to me they are, and they looked tiny. Its pretty sad to say that size 22 looks small compared to what I wear now. Right now I am in a size 26 my problem is my bum and hips, they are way too big - my waist is alot smaller so when I buy clothes they tend to be too big for my waist and basically get held up by my bum and hips. To make matters worse I lose weight from the top down so I start to look like a weeble wobble LOL. Well was just a quick post and will post my weight loss tomrorow ...CANT WAIT!
Monday, March 23, 2009
still going ..just
well its totm and the dreaded pains in my belly, the down feeling is full on - at least I have finally believed that my eating habits are down to emotional eating, I was never totally sure before. Yesterday I heard on the news Jade Goody had died, it hit a chord with me that she had cancer because it was what my dad died of last year. I had been following her progress through her stages and hoping that she would get better. When I heard she had died on mothers day, I was just so upset , all I kept thinking about were her little boys growing up without a mum. I know now my totm was affecting me big time, but it didnt stop me picking at food all day, it was not a major binge, I had 4 points saved and just snacked on low fat stuff some fruit but some cakes, so in reality I dont think it went well above the 4 points I had saved from the other days.
Today in lectures one was about self concept, a sentence hit a chord with me. It was that we never start anything unless we believe we can finsih it, I kinda thought well I started this diet or new lifestyle I must have believed that I could do this so that is going to be another saying to adhere to. A short post today basically because i want to go curl up in a ball and sleep. One last point cant wait for weigh in again, but my scales arent being nice so i think it will have to be a new pair soon!
Today in lectures one was about self concept, a sentence hit a chord with me. It was that we never start anything unless we believe we can finsih it, I kinda thought well I started this diet or new lifestyle I must have believed that I could do this so that is going to be another saying to adhere to. A short post today basically because i want to go curl up in a ball and sleep. One last point cant wait for weigh in again, but my scales arent being nice so i think it will have to be a new pair soon!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
saturday afternoon!
well just had lunch thought i would do my daily post on my blog.
I had a very minor NSV i think! - i got out the shower and was gretting dressed, looked in my wardrobe and saw my nurses uniform hanging there, so thought i would give it a whirl see how tight it was still - and it wasnt tight at all. I am dubious because I have only been on WW for one week and a few days - but I cant ignore the fact that last time i wore it it was tight. So not sure what is going on but I know that my weight loss will not have changed any clothes sizes yet. However its a positive thing and i have a feeing when i do get to wear it in 10 weeks time it might be hanging off me rofl.
I had a very minor NSV i think! - i got out the shower and was gretting dressed, looked in my wardrobe and saw my nurses uniform hanging there, so thought i would give it a whirl see how tight it was still - and it wasnt tight at all. I am dubious because I have only been on WW for one week and a few days - but I cant ignore the fact that last time i wore it it was tight. So not sure what is going on but I know that my weight loss will not have changed any clothes sizes yet. However its a positive thing and i have a feeing when i do get to wear it in 10 weeks time it might be hanging off me rofl.
Friday, March 20, 2009
just been for a walk
My mum asked if I could walk her dog today since she was out all day, so I had her round at my house and have spent the day with her. I took my youngest son for lunch and took the dog with me, he just munched macdonalds in the car on his school lunch break - well then i dropped him off and me and the doggi went for a stroll. It was a lovely warm spring day and we walked by the ducks it was lovely to just stop and breathe fresh air. I saw some wodnerful sights too - was an old couple riding a tandem as well as loads of other people just walking dogs and chilling by the water. I had a lovely time it has really given me a spring in my step, something I will definately do again. Also my mum si going to come back to a snoozing dog cos shes knackered now LOL
deep in thought today
I just sat and thought today about my weight and about past experiences. I know for one thing I am just fed up to the teeth of being the fat one. Its like nothing I have ever felt before- before there was always a want to be thin, but always a "oh well I am not maybe it will happen type feeling" this time I am just FED UP. My weight has been a constant battle all my life, I remember as a 5 year old my friend had boney legs and she said i was comfy to sit on cos i was "squishy" something I will never forget her saying, it was the first time I realised I was bigger than other children.
I just wonder why I was given this curse of being over weight, I watch thin people sitting in the canteen eating chips with cheese, then crisps hen chocolate all in one sitting, I know if I did that I would put on 5 pounds easily. So why me?
I got to thinking about all my failed attempts before, I tried (really tried) twice in the last few years - I lost 50 lbs just before going to univeristy last time around, went to the gym daily started uni and bam immediately all stopped - then after uni started again lost 4 stone was almost in a size 20 bottom definately size 20 top and got a job and bam all stopped, it seems my body just cant cope with doing two major things at once. I can either lose weight or I can concentrate on other things. I am now worried, Im on a nursing degree now - and at the moment i have 7 weeks for a community project then my placements will start - how am i going to break this cycle? I am so fed up with being fat I know if i stick to it I will get to my goal its just making sure my brain can cope with more than one thing. Mayne now i am aware it will be easier, i am hoping so because i dont want to complete this degree wearing another extra large gown and wearing a size 24 outfit, i want to be a size 16 nurse! Maybe I should resay my title - I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT
I just wonder why I was given this curse of being over weight, I watch thin people sitting in the canteen eating chips with cheese, then crisps hen chocolate all in one sitting, I know if I did that I would put on 5 pounds easily. So why me?
I got to thinking about all my failed attempts before, I tried (really tried) twice in the last few years - I lost 50 lbs just before going to univeristy last time around, went to the gym daily started uni and bam immediately all stopped - then after uni started again lost 4 stone was almost in a size 20 bottom definately size 20 top and got a job and bam all stopped, it seems my body just cant cope with doing two major things at once. I can either lose weight or I can concentrate on other things. I am now worried, Im on a nursing degree now - and at the moment i have 7 weeks for a community project then my placements will start - how am i going to break this cycle? I am so fed up with being fat I know if i stick to it I will get to my goal its just making sure my brain can cope with more than one thing. Mayne now i am aware it will be easier, i am hoping so because i dont want to complete this degree wearing another extra large gown and wearing a size 24 outfit, i want to be a size 16 nurse! Maybe I should resay my title - I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT
Thursday, March 19, 2009
its weigh in day!
well its that day, I woke up this am excited, waited till i got the kids off to school got out the scales and saw the word "battery" ...so im like OMFG so i find a new battery and nope stil "battery" - by now im getting frustrated - double check and theres 2 battery compartments!!!! so i have to get dressed run to the shop and buy another battery run back pick out old batteries which was so hard to remove it actually broke the battery holding in part of the scales! by now im crying lol so anyway manage to do a patch up job with selotape and cardboard and the end result is:
7.5lbs loss
what a polava i had been looking forward to this day all week and i am just so relieved they still worked, kinda hoping the selotape and cardboard thing holds up for a while - cos i really dont want to change my scales.
I have a horrible feeling that my totm is fast looming too - I am crying over literally nothing and getting all frustrated about things, everything seems to be going wrong too - a sure go sign that soon it will be totm. I going to set myself up for a gain next week cos my body and totm do no get on at all - weight wise and every other way wise.
well today i plan to tackle my sons bedroom - its the last room in the house to tackle only problem is i ran out of bin bags so another shop visit will have to take place soon. Then its a case of get stuck in and clean that tip LOL.
must sign off for now and run thru and get other places sorted byeee
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
almost one week done
Well its my weigh in tomorrow morning, and I cant wait to see how much I have lost. I hope i have lost or I will be dissapointed. Im filled with excitment and nervousness. Had a full on day today at uni, we had to go and fin out about our community project - we have chose to study travellers - if anything it will be interesting. Well just a quick post tonight and will post my wi info tomrorow morning!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
well good morning
Well day 6 and still going strong, in fact if anything i feel stronger, still working on getting things in order here, I now have a 7 week "break" while I do my community project where i can get things really into order. Lots of housework and exercise and walking, a good deal of time to really concentrate on me!
I finally unpacked a cd from a human anatomy book and wow wish id done it sooner, it was so easy to understand and helped me tons, I am going to sit down one day very soon and learn about the heart first then onto other systems.
The great thing about going into nursing is the fact they are always banging on about health related issues, yes ok it can be embarassing at times but it keeps to the forefront of my mind that i am over weight and unhealthy and I do have greater risks of diseases. I just hope that by year three i have my goal of being a size 16 nurse, i think i have finally rested on that being my ultimate goal. Of course I would love to be a size 12 nurse and if that happens fantastic! but for now I am not going to aim too high or low as the case may be lol. Up until I had my children well to be honest my second child i managed to stay a size 16 no matter what i ate really. So would be nice to revisit that size although im now aware that its harder now to keep that size.
I finally unpacked a cd from a human anatomy book and wow wish id done it sooner, it was so easy to understand and helped me tons, I am going to sit down one day very soon and learn about the heart first then onto other systems.
The great thing about going into nursing is the fact they are always banging on about health related issues, yes ok it can be embarassing at times but it keeps to the forefront of my mind that i am over weight and unhealthy and I do have greater risks of diseases. I just hope that by year three i have my goal of being a size 16 nurse, i think i have finally rested on that being my ultimate goal. Of course I would love to be a size 12 nurse and if that happens fantastic! but for now I am not going to aim too high or low as the case may be lol. Up until I had my children well to be honest my second child i managed to stay a size 16 no matter what i ate really. So would be nice to revisit that size although im now aware that its harder now to keep that size.
Monday, March 16, 2009
a result for me
ok so i started to have these oh i have 6 points left lets eat crap moments, then thought ill never do this i want a cheese roll! - well turned round to go into kitchen and saw these trousers on a hanger and knew they were too small - and well I loved them when they fitted, i mean LOVED, and wow i grabbed a pear and thought yes i can do this!!!
i would say for me that is a major result - when my binge eating hating myself part of my brain tried to get in the way and ruin everything for me, so yay for trousers!
i would say for me that is a major result - when my binge eating hating myself part of my brain tried to get in the way and ruin everything for me, so yay for trousers!
day 5
good morning another bright sunny day - i feel on top of the world today, i really feel happy about life. I have had so much more energy i feel great i am doing something about my weight, and feel in control of my life. My house has needed some work doing for a while which im in the process of doing. Life is just fab!
I snacked so much yesterday though but it was all fruit LOL , i definately got my 5 a day in fruit alone, so need to go buy some more, and some veg. i never thought i would hear me ever say that LOL
well today is my last day of clinical skills at univeristy, im hoping it all goes without a glitch, no more embarassing moments...today i will be doing the good old manual handling session. oh joy, if anyone who is reading this has worked in healthcare you would know after the first session it gets progreessively more boring as time goes on, same old same old!!
Well just having a quick cup of tea while I shout at the kids to wake up and shower. Still working on my washing situation but its not almost done, just a ton of ironing to go LOL.
I am also really really excited for thursday my wi day - i cant wait to see how much i have lost! only 2 days to go LOL
Well i have to go time is catching me up wanted to write a little something this morning just to say how fabba i feel and to keep this thing real for me. byee for now! all have a great day out there:)
I snacked so much yesterday though but it was all fruit LOL , i definately got my 5 a day in fruit alone, so need to go buy some more, and some veg. i never thought i would hear me ever say that LOL
well today is my last day of clinical skills at univeristy, im hoping it all goes without a glitch, no more embarassing moments...today i will be doing the good old manual handling session. oh joy, if anyone who is reading this has worked in healthcare you would know after the first session it gets progreessively more boring as time goes on, same old same old!!
Well just having a quick cup of tea while I shout at the kids to wake up and shower. Still working on my washing situation but its not almost done, just a ton of ironing to go LOL.
I am also really really excited for thursday my wi day - i cant wait to see how much i have lost! only 2 days to go LOL
Well i have to go time is catching me up wanted to write a little something this morning just to say how fabba i feel and to keep this thing real for me. byee for now! all have a great day out there:)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
my list of reaosns to get thin
1) to wear nice clothes
2)to be able to shop in fashion shops
3)to make people have to really describe me
4)to be fit and healthy
5)to live longer
6)to achineve the only thing i have never been able to achineve
7)because i am worth it
8)to make my kids proud of me
9)to be able to do normal things and not feel knackered /out of breath
10)to be flexible
11) to be able to put on shoes and not gasp for breath cos im all scrunched up
12) to be able to cut my toe nails properly
13)to look nice in whatever i wear
14)to be able to eat in public and not think people are judging me
15)to do my job effectively
16)to never feel embarassed again cos i cant do something
17)to have more energy
18)so men fancy me again
19)to like myself and how i look
20)to look and feel younger
2)to be able to shop in fashion shops
3)to make people have to really describe me
4)to be fit and healthy
5)to live longer
6)to achineve the only thing i have never been able to achineve
7)because i am worth it
8)to make my kids proud of me
9)to be able to do normal things and not feel knackered /out of breath
10)to be flexible
11) to be able to put on shoes and not gasp for breath cos im all scrunched up
12) to be able to cut my toe nails properly
13)to look nice in whatever i wear
14)to be able to eat in public and not think people are judging me
15)to do my job effectively
16)to never feel embarassed again cos i cant do something
17)to have more energy
18)so men fancy me again
19)to like myself and how i look
20)to look and feel younger
day 4
well wow day 4 and still on it LOL, had a bad week at uni, got into uni friday and we did respiration rates, one of our tasks was to run round a block twice!! well RUN i can hardly freaking walk - so yeap i was the last one back struggling to breathe and of course the highest resp rate, the thing is though yes i was embarassed yet again!, but you know it actually inspired me to stick at this more, im hoping that image will stick in my head forever, the feeling of embarassment.
I am trying to decide about exercise - alot of people say walking is good for you, and free! my mum says come to the gym with me "its a really nice gym" i know from experience that Ill go for say 4 months then placements will start in and I wont be able to go, so im toying with buy a wii and getting some fitness thing on there, that might be an xmas thing though...i think for now walking is my best route. there sorted in 5 seconds LOL
You know though its only week one and day 4...this is going to sound muddled as a few things occured to me at the same time. Firstly i normally feel the need to take a nap during the day specially if i have been extra active - well got home friday after the dreaded run and no nap didnt even feel tired or sleepy then yesterday i woke up and tackeled a large part of the house took me hours to tidy a few rooms really clean hoover polish the lot and no sleep... in fact i was awake till like midnight then went to bed got a normal nights rest. Well I am putting this new phenominum down to the healthy food i am eating and tons of water.
Which brings me to another point - my skin, i have an issue with my skin and I sometimes get alot of spots all over - they are almost gone in 4 days! i can only link it to the water im drinking - my skin is actually getting better - i have so many many health beenfits from keeping up with this ww thing i guess i need to keep reminding myself of them- maybe a list on the fridge might help! in fact maybe later today im going to post a list of health benefits on here and print them and lamainate them (yes im sad) and plop them on my fridge maybe do a list of embarassing moments while im at it.
well i cant wait for thursday - my wi day - im so excited to see wha ti have lost (gosh i hope i have lost lol) i used to do sneaky peeks daily and if it was a bad result it would affect me..i also know your weight fluctuates during the week so this time I will resist the sneaky peeks and just get major excited for wi days lol.
well off to fold some washing and put it away ill come back later and think about some benefits and embarassing moments for me to list. Bye for now!
I am trying to decide about exercise - alot of people say walking is good for you, and free! my mum says come to the gym with me "its a really nice gym" i know from experience that Ill go for say 4 months then placements will start in and I wont be able to go, so im toying with buy a wii and getting some fitness thing on there, that might be an xmas thing though...i think for now walking is my best route. there sorted in 5 seconds LOL
You know though its only week one and day 4...this is going to sound muddled as a few things occured to me at the same time. Firstly i normally feel the need to take a nap during the day specially if i have been extra active - well got home friday after the dreaded run and no nap didnt even feel tired or sleepy then yesterday i woke up and tackeled a large part of the house took me hours to tidy a few rooms really clean hoover polish the lot and no sleep... in fact i was awake till like midnight then went to bed got a normal nights rest. Well I am putting this new phenominum down to the healthy food i am eating and tons of water.
Which brings me to another point - my skin, i have an issue with my skin and I sometimes get alot of spots all over - they are almost gone in 4 days! i can only link it to the water im drinking - my skin is actually getting better - i have so many many health beenfits from keeping up with this ww thing i guess i need to keep reminding myself of them- maybe a list on the fridge might help! in fact maybe later today im going to post a list of health benefits on here and print them and lamainate them (yes im sad) and plop them on my fridge maybe do a list of embarassing moments while im at it.
well i cant wait for thursday - my wi day - im so excited to see wha ti have lost (gosh i hope i have lost lol) i used to do sneaky peeks daily and if it was a bad result it would affect me..i also know your weight fluctuates during the week so this time I will resist the sneaky peeks and just get major excited for wi days lol.
well off to fold some washing and put it away ill come back later and think about some benefits and embarassing moments for me to list. Bye for now!
Friday, March 13, 2009
day 2
well still at it, i always know if im onto a good winner cos i actually start day 2 still on the diet. I wonder if anyone else starts off a diet then by the end of the day thinks sod it i will never be thin and that yummy cake is saying eat me so why not save myself the hassle? probably not or do people to the old oh its just a small cake ill save some points later?
well another day in uni all day job, so im going to have jacket potato with baked beans for lunch and drink tons of water. well let you know more later about what happened today!
shower and all sorts of stuff now tho byee
well another day in uni all day job, so im going to have jacket potato with baked beans for lunch and drink tons of water. well let you know more later about what happened today!
shower and all sorts of stuff now tho byee
Thursday, March 12, 2009
in 3 years i wanna be size 16 nurse!
Omg what a day, today we had to learn how to take manual blood pressure at univeristy, well I was the only "fat" person in the group and no cuff big enough for me. I felt so embarassed ....then to top it all got my uniform home because we got those today too and it was tight!
why is it when I put weight on I can just load it on, this time last year i was 17 stone moving towards 16 buying size 20 clothes ready for my next size down - now less than a year later im back to where i started and some! I mean why do i just load weight on, its not like i am a major pig i dont scoff 20 million things i just dont get it. I have to lsoe this weight im just so fed up and feel so down that im back to here, i just want to be thin!
i so hope i can stick to this because in 3 years i want to be that size 16 girl even size 12 would be fabba but ill take size 16 in a nice nurses uniform doing a great job!
why is it when I put weight on I can just load it on, this time last year i was 17 stone moving towards 16 buying size 20 clothes ready for my next size down - now less than a year later im back to where i started and some! I mean why do i just load weight on, its not like i am a major pig i dont scoff 20 million things i just dont get it. I have to lsoe this weight im just so fed up and feel so down that im back to here, i just want to be thin!
i so hope i can stick to this because in 3 years i want to be that size 16 girl even size 12 would be fabba but ill take size 16 in a nice nurses uniform doing a great job!
My first post
Well, not sure why I am back here again, yet again I find myself with hardly any clothes to wear a ton of smaller clothes in my wardrobe and me wondering why on earth I have done this to myself yet again, and will I ever be that thin person I want to be.
I started on a new career path, im now a student nurse, something I have always wanted to be and never thought myself able to do it. It wasnt until I did an access course and realised actually Im not that thick and went on to do a law degree and got a 2:1, I now know if I put my mind to it I can do anything. I went for counselling a year back and one of the things that springs to my mind now is this saying we used to say, "if I want it I get it!" great saying and I think I should say it to myself alot, because actually its true, I do always get what I want, not usual by nasty stomping methods but just because when I put my mind to things I usually make sure I get it. This is generally material things or things outside my body, so why is it when it comes to my health, which I want so badly to be thin healthy, active, why can I not get this?
this is a question I should keep asking myself, why can I not get it, what is the reason, there must be one!
well this brings me to the point of this blog, I dont want to be fat, obese, porker, that fat girl over there, the fat one who must be thick because shes fat...I dont want to be that person any more I want to blend in, I want people to have to reallly describe me to point me out.
So here we go I want to do this so much, so watch this space because I want to fill less of it!
I started on a new career path, im now a student nurse, something I have always wanted to be and never thought myself able to do it. It wasnt until I did an access course and realised actually Im not that thick and went on to do a law degree and got a 2:1, I now know if I put my mind to it I can do anything. I went for counselling a year back and one of the things that springs to my mind now is this saying we used to say, "if I want it I get it!" great saying and I think I should say it to myself alot, because actually its true, I do always get what I want, not usual by nasty stomping methods but just because when I put my mind to things I usually make sure I get it. This is generally material things or things outside my body, so why is it when it comes to my health, which I want so badly to be thin healthy, active, why can I not get this?
this is a question I should keep asking myself, why can I not get it, what is the reason, there must be one!
well this brings me to the point of this blog, I dont want to be fat, obese, porker, that fat girl over there, the fat one who must be thick because shes fat...I dont want to be that person any more I want to blend in, I want people to have to reallly describe me to point me out.
So here we go I want to do this so much, so watch this space because I want to fill less of it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
